I Forgot

Funny thing about being on chemo again, I forget a lot.  I think it is a side effect of chemo that I will forget things.  I do not like this side effect though but it makes for some interesting conversations though!! (Trying to look at a positive here.)

For example, I might be in the middle of a conversation with someone and want to ask them if I can borrow their pen.  I might end up asking if I can borrow something and usually get that look of what something is it you want?! Or I will get a little flustered at myself and say never mind.  It is frustrating to have conversations like that.  If I do this with you, I am sorry.  If you want to have a little fun with it, please go ahead.  I usually have a good sense of humor so if in the middle of a conversation I just stop and look at like "What is it I wanted to tell you," feel free to have some fun with it if you want.  It might make for a nice little laugh for today!!

Also, I have had to write things down more.  I just cannot trust my brain to remember what to do.  Luckily, I have a little notebook at work that I write down important tasks in so I can just look at it and know I wrote something down, look in there to do it! Post-It Notes have been a big help as well.  The only problem with them, they seem to multiply on my desk.  I will have all kinds of them all over and about every evening before going home, I have to take the time to see what I wrote down, do I need it, did I e-mail it to whoever, did I call them back yet and then toss them out if I completed the task.  They are everywhere sometimes!!

So, if you are having a conversation with me, or another chemo patient, please be patient if we just stop during a sentence and look at you like I know what I want to say but cannot get it out.  It truly is a bit frustrating for me (I cannot speak for any other chemo patient though) and I just ask for a little patience.  And maybe a little humor?

Thanks for reading!!

Jenn

I'm Tired!!

So, usually you hear children tell you "I'm tired" - this can be an excuse to get out of doing just about anything.  They will try and try hard to use an excuse to get out of about anything!! But as an adult, I am definitely not trying to get out of anything.  I actually want to be up and going.  I want to feel "normal" (not tired) and not feel like I want a nap, or two, about every day.

How did I get to the "I'm tired" point? I think it might be the chemo causing some fatigue.  While I had a break between the different chemo's and was only being treated with Avastin, I felt fine.  I was not tired.  Now, I'm tired.

I really dislike feeling like this.  I dislike wanting naps about two or three hours after I have gotten up to start my day.  I dislike feeling sleepy while looking around in a store trying to pick up a new item of clothing for work.  I dislike feeling tired when I come home from work (I work in an office.  It's not like I work a physical job all day).  Please do not take this next thought wrong but I am glad that I do not have kids.  Kids are a big deal and deserve a lot of attention.  I would also want to keep them busy doing the things they love.  I would not want to be tired and miss something totally awesome with them (I hope someone totally understands this).

So, how do I deal with this? I try to keep moving at work.  I will get up and go get something to drink.  Walk around the office to put something up, file some paperwork, or whatever I can do to keep me up and moving to try to shake off the sleep/tiredness.  Also, I may go to bed a little earlier (maybe around 8:30 p.m. I will be in bed to wind down to be asleep by 9:00 p.m.).  I try to limit caffeine during the day so I am not all of a sudden wide awake at 8:00 p.m. and cannot go to sleep.  (That makes for a bad day at work the next day.)

If you know someone who is dealing with chemo treatments and they complain that they are tired, please try to be understanding.  It may be the chemo that is causing the fatigue and nothing they are doing themselves.  So many times it may be easy to say "Why are you tired? You don't do anything?" and be a bit aggravated at the comment.  I find myself wondering why I am tired!!  Please be understanding though.  Help maybe by just listening and talking it through with them.  Fatigue and trying to be "normal" has been a bit of a struggle lately.  I guess I will have to work with it the best I can.

If you had chemo, or knew someone who had/is having chemo treatments, and are fatigued, what did you do to deal with it? Or, are you on medicine that makes you fatigued? How did you deal?

Thanks!!

Jenn