One Year Ago

This may not be a terribly long post but I did want to at least remember the date.

One year ago, on January 15, 2013, I had surgery to remove a large mass and some fluid.  Never before had I been secretly excited for a surgery.  The only other surgery I got excited for was my hysterectomy in 2009.  The reason for the excitement was that this thing, plus fluid, was going to be removed.  Gone.  Good-bye to you.

A year later I am still getting chemo.  In fact, I had chemo, and Avastin, today.  Am I where I want to be? Yes, and no.  I want to be alive, and I am.  Thank God and to so many people praying for me.  I can never thank you enough for doing that.  That means so much you would do that for me.

Do I still want to be getting chemo? No.  But if it means somehow I live another day, week or month, I will do it.  The side effects of this chemo and Avastin are okay and I can live with the sniffles (thanks Avastin), the aches, the tiredness, chemo brain (big dislike!!) and testing for protein (thanks again to Avastin).

I have made some adjustments in how I do things now.  I may be a little more tired so I stay home more.  I am a little frustrated that I cannot remember some things during conversations.  That makes me want to stay home and not suffer from embarrassment in public.  The smell of seafood is horrible now.  It was not always nice but now it is worse.  I cannot do chicken salad sandwiches now because I ate to many from the volunteers who bring lunch at chemo.  

But, if those are my main complaints, in the grand scheme of things, it is not so bad.  I am lucky.  I still get excited to go do things.  I still am able to work.  I should do more though.  Am I too hard on myself? Yes.  Who isn't though?

So, a year later I am still here.  I am glad. Thank you God!!

Jenn